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Why hello there, citizens of tumblr! What’s that you’re saying? You think you’ve seen my face somewhere? Well, you probably have. My name is Gilderoy Lockhart - Order of Merlin, Third Class; Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League; hero of many daring exploits; author of countless bestselling books; five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award (though I don’t like to talk about that!) Now, now, don’t fight, ladies! Form a queue please - there are plenty of signed photographs for everyone. Right, I have a very special announcement to make, which I’ve been sitting on for some time… Recently, I’ve been seeing a lot of Secret Valentines buzzing around the place, and quite frankly, ladies and gentlemen, they are nothing compared to my legendary Valentine’s extravaganzas. Am I not the man who brought golden-winged dwarves to Hogwarts? Am I not the man who managed to raise morale in one of the school’s most trying times? Am I not the man who - dare I say it - single-handedly scared off that pesky heir of Slytherin? But I digress. What I am trying to say is that I, Gilderoy Lockhart, will now be holding my first ever official Secret Valentine Service! That’s right; never again will you have to worry about sitting alone and broken-hearted on Valentine’s Day, for I will be providing Valentines for all of you! After all, not everyone can be as naturally handsome and charming as I am, so I thought I ought to lend a helping hand to those of you who aren’t lucky enough to receive an average of forty-six cards every Valentine’s Day. What I plan to do is to find each and every one of you a secret Valentine’s partner. From 1st February, you will anonymously send your partner whatever you can think of to raise their poor, lonely spirits. Love letters, links to songs, online dates, gifts and presents in the form of graphics, promos, stories and poems… Anything sweet, funny, romantic or whatever else you can think of, you name it! And with a bit of luck, someone else will be sending all these things to you too. And then on 14th February, if you choose to, you can reveal yourself, and hopefully make a new friend. “This all sounds too good to be true!” I hear you cry. “Tell me, what’s the catch?” Well, I am delighted to inform you that… there isn’t one! All you have to do is reblog this post sometime before the start of February if you’re interested, and my army of friendly, Cupidesque dwarves and I will do all the hard work, searching out your soulmate from the sea of notes. You just need to sit back and wait for my message, telling you who your secret Valentine is! And remember, if something goes wrong - if you don’t receive a message from me, or from whoever should be sending you beautiful love letters - then don’t hesitate to send me a message, and I’ll sort it out straight away. It’s the least I can do; with celebrity status like mine, I am in an excellent position to give you a much needed helping hand. The pleasure is all yours. Best Valentine’s wishes,Your hero, Gilderoy Lockhart x

Why hello there, citizens of tumblr!

What’s that you’re saying? You think you’ve seen my face somewhere? Well, you probably have. My name is Gilderoy Lockhart - Order of Merlin, Third Class; Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League; hero of many daring exploits; author of countless bestselling books; five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award (though I don’t like to talk about that!)

Now, now, don’t fight, ladies! Form a queue please - there are plenty of signed photographs for everyone.

Right, I have a very special announcement to make, which I’ve been sitting on for some time… Recently, I’ve been seeing a lot of Secret Valentines buzzing around the place, and quite frankly, ladies and gentlemen, they are nothing compared to my legendary Valentine’s extravaganzas. Am I not the man who brought golden-winged dwarves to Hogwarts? Am I not the man who managed to raise morale in one of the school’s most trying times? Am I not the man who - dare I say it - single-handedly scared off that pesky heir of Slytherin?

But I digress. What I am trying to say is that I, Gilderoy Lockhart, will now be holding my first ever official Secret Valentine Service! That’s right; never again will you have to worry about sitting alone and broken-hearted on Valentine’s Day, for I will be providing Valentines for all of you! After all, not everyone can be as naturally handsome and charming as I am, so I thought I ought to lend a helping hand to those of you who aren’t lucky enough to receive an average of forty-six cards every Valentine’s Day.

What I plan to do is to find each and every one of you a secret Valentine’s partner. From 1st February, you will anonymously send your partner whatever you can think of to raise their poor, lonely spirits. Love letters, links to songs, online dates, gifts and presents in the form of graphics, promos, stories and poems… Anything sweet, funny, romantic or whatever else you can think of, you name it! And with a bit of luck, someone else will be sending all these things to you too. And then on 14th February, if you choose to, you can reveal yourself, and hopefully make a new friend.

“This all sounds too good to be true!” I hear you cry. “Tell me, what’s the catch?” Well, I am delighted to inform you that… there isn’t one! All you have to do is reblog this post sometime before the start of February if you’re interested, and my army of friendly, Cupidesque dwarves and I will do all the hard work, searching out your soulmate from the sea of notes. You just need to sit back and wait for my message, telling you who your secret Valentine is!

And remember, if something goes wrong - if you don’t receive a message from me, or from whoever should be sending you beautiful love letters - then don’t hesitate to send me a message, and I’ll sort it out straight away. It’s the least I can do; with celebrity status like mine, I am in an excellent position to give you a much needed helping hand. The pleasure is all yours.

Best Valentine’s wishes,
Your hero, Gilderoy Lockhart x

This does look exciting! I’ve only just found the site, so I’m going to fill in this post with screenshots to let you know how I get on… The children have found out too now, so they’ll be joining in with me. Errr… Don’t mention it to Molly though. She seems to think I’m wasting my time a bit…

Hmm… Now seems like a good time for a “Read More”. Just click on for more details, everyone!

Read More

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Have you heard of Pottermore? Mr. Arthur Weasley, did you have a look at it, on a COMPUTER :)!? Also, Hermione, what is your fondest memory of your seven years at Hogwarts? And how often do you meet up with Harry Potter? Does he live on his own with Ginny now? Thankyou so much for answering these questions, you are lovely!
Anonymous

Pottermore? This sounds very exciting!!! I’ll have to look it up right now. And of course, any excuse to use a computer is most definitely a good thing… You know, I think I’ll make an account now! I’ll let you all know how I get on.
-Arthur

Oh no, not another way for Arthur to waste his time with that Muggle computer…
-Molly

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Percy, you're hot.
Anonymous

Thank you…? I think? I’m never entirely certain how I ought to answer something like this. I have an automatic instinct to suspect one of Fred and George’s jokes… For the moment, however, I shall assume that you’re serious - thank you very much. That really does mean a lot! However, if this message was from the twins, then this is simply juvenile, and not amusing in the least! Kindly stop pestering me, and let me get back to my papers.

-Percy

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to Ron: when did you realize that you loved Hermione? to Ginny! oh, you're so sweet, I'm really happy that you and Harry ends up together! you deserve a man like him! Now, what will you do if you become pregnant again and Harry decide to call the child of Dobby Hedwig? Thank you all, I love you all, but sorry for my English, it's terrible :(
Anonymous

I know it’s awful of me, but I realised I liked Hermione when I was… um… dating Lavender. The longer I spent around her, the more I missed hanging out with Hermione, and then I just suddenly realised that I’d had feelings for Hermione for ages and I hadn’t noticed. I think. But I only realised I loved her during the battle, when I was terrified that I might lose her.
-Ron

Thank you, Anon! I’m rather pleased that I ended up with Harry as well, haha! Oh, Merlin, if Harry ever dares to suggest we name our poor child Dobby Hedwig, he will wake up the next morning, lacking a certain part of his  - ah - male anatomy. And if he still insists on that godawful name, I’ll auction him off to a few of his many fangirls, and he can live with them until he sees sense. Ha. That’ll teach the little prat!
On a side note, I thought your English was perfectly good! :D
-Ginny

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What do all you lovely single Weasley boys look for in a girl? By the way, Charlie, I always thought that you were the best looking Weasley ;), also, how is Norberta?
Anonymous

Why thank you, Anon! Norberta’s doing very well - she must be in a good mood, because she’s singed my eyebrows off twice in the past week…
Hmmm… What do I look for in a girl? Mostly, a sense of adventure, I suppose! And of course, I wouldn’t say no to a good pair of-

CHARLIE WEASLEY, I WILL NOT HAVE TALK LIKE THAT ON THIS BLOG! THERE COULD BE CHILDREN READING THIS!
-Molly

Sorry, sorry, Mum! I was going to say… erm… eyes. Yeah, that’s the one.
-Charlie

I’d better interrupt this! I have to say, I’ve always kind of liked an intelligent girl… And I have a bit of a thing for curly hair. :)
-Ron

AHAHAHAHAHA!
-Fred

Let’s play a game, shall we, Fred? It’s called, “Which girl do you think Ron’s referring to?”
-George

I guess Moaning Myrtle!
-Fred

You know, I think you could be right. Because there’s just no way that Ron could like Hermione Granger, is there?
-George

Shut up. Hermione’s just my friend.
-Ron

Awww, ickle Ronnie’s blushing!
-Fred

Young love, how sweet!
-George

SHUT UP! What do you two look for in girls then, if you’re so clever?
-Ron

Your wit never ceases to amaze us, Ron. And that’s easy - a sense of humour!
-Fred and George

Well, I agree with Ron. I think that intelligence is a very important aspect to a person’s personality. How else are we expected to have interesting and mentally stimulating conversations? However, I would also like to add a respect for authority, and a sense of responsibility - two things that are, sadly, in short supply amongst my siblings.
-Percy

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Ginny, have you and Harry had s*x?
Anonymous

Well, since we have three children, I hope the answer to that is obvious!
-Ginny

Merlin, Ginny, I did not need to hear that!
…I’m off to Scourgify my ears.
-Ron

Are you actually an immature idiot, Ron, or do you just do a very good impression of it?
-Ginny

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I LOVE YOU FRED!
Anonymous

AND I LOVE YOU, RANDOM ANON! And might I congratulate you on your excellent taste? ;)

-Fred

[[ OK, so the reason I haven’t really been posting recently is because I’ve had too much school and work and stuff, and every time I look at this blog, I just see “64 messages” and I start procrastinating because I simply CANNOT GET THROUGH THAT MUCH! So I’ve decided that for the moment I’m going to just answer the questions like normal asks, instead of taking screenshots. I think people are mostly interested in reading the answers, not reblogging them or anything, so I hope you don’t mind! And then with a bit of luck, I’ll get back into the swing of things, and I’ll be able to start answering them properly again. I just need something to get me out of this rut, so I think reducing the amount of effort involved would work, haha! (I suppose I’m just horribly lazy…) I’m really sorry! See you in a bit. :) ]]